Updated: Feb 17, 2019
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” -Jim Rohn
This is spot on. This will tell you who you are and who you are likely to become.
I don’t think Drake is anything close to a phycology major, so I cannot look to deeply into it when he uttered those profound lyrics “No new friend, no new friends, no new friends, no-no-no”, I agree with him 100%. You shouldn’t befriend everyone that clicks ‘follow’ on twitter. You’ve got to occasionally clean out your friends list and reevaluate the people around you. It’s completely okay to remove a cancer from your group. A wise doctor once said:
“Since the last time you heard from me, I lost some friends.” -Dr. Dre
Everyone has a different definition of success. Does your definition of success coincide with those you keep closest?
Who do you keep the closest to you? Most people’s answer would be family. But what do you consider family? I believe family should be those you have the highest expectation level of loyalty. And in return, you give that same level of loyalty. We all have people with the same blood that doesn’t fall into this category.
I believe at a certain point of consciousness (which differs in age from person to person), you must have tryouts for your family. A family is a team and you don’t automatically get a jersey for sharing the same last name as me. I don’t care about your level of success, I care about your level of loyalty to me. Once I’ve distinguished those that are loyal, I consider them family. But family doesn’t get an automatic bid on the 5 people I’ve see the most.
PERSON #1: THE PINNACLE
This should be the most successful person you can find. My person is my coach, John Brown. He has started a boxing company in 1977 and has been around boxing for 50+ years. I know nothing about John’s boxing career but I can only assume it’s because he was a terrible fighter. Not only has he coached thousands upon thousands of amateur boxers, he took a boxer Tommy Morrison from the amateur ranks to become the heavyweight champion of the world. On top of his coaching feats, he founded Ringside (boxing equipment company). John Brown is a moral man that always seems to give more than he keep for himself.
Person #1 is the person who set your sites to be.
PERSON 2: THE BIG BROTHER
This person should slightly more successful than you. This person is the carrot dangling in front of the horses face. This is the person that is almost in reach success wise and should be driven to be even more successful. This is the person you strive to catch up to. Person #2 is a friend and will help you get to where they are.
PERSON 3: THE ADVERSARY
This person should be your friendly rival. This is the most crucial person out of the 5 because they want the same thing as you. Though you are friends, you should be maniacally competitive with this person as they should be with you.
In boxing, this would be the boxer on my level I train with. If he throws a 4 punch combination on the bag next to me, I throw a 5 punches combination. If I run a 8 minute mile, he should try to run a 7 minute mile. Steel sharpens steel. This should be the person to push you. Never let this person become better, stronger, faster or more successful than you. This person should be thinking the same thing. This process of competitiveness will quicken the process of bettering yourself and keep you on track to your goal.
You must do everything in your power to help this person become better because it will in turn make you better.
PERSON #4: MR. KEEP IT REAL
This person doesn’t necessarily have to be involved in whatever the goal is. This should be the person of the 5 that is willing to support you but will also pull you aside to tell you that your breath stinks. If the 4th person isn’t on path for the same goal as you they have a objective view. This is the person you should blindly trust. My person is Matt Mays. We met at a boxing gym 2005 and moved in together in 2006. That about the time Matt fell under the family category.
In 2008 I had to opportunity to move to Kansas City to be coached by John Brown. Knowing I knew no one in Kansas City, without question, Matt quit his job, left his family and friends to moved to Kansas City with me. That type of loyalty warrants the title of “brother”.
If I’m slacking in any aspect of my life, he is the person that will tell me to get my shit together without worry of ruining a friendship. There is no worry because he knows, as well as I, after evolving from stranger to friends, from friends to family, from family to the title of “brother”, I can’t get rid of him and he cannot get rid of me.
PERSON 5: THE CORNERSTONE
This person is you. Where ever you go, you take you with you. You spend more time with yourself than anyone can spend with you. Why would those 4 people want to hangout with you if you don’t even want to hangout with yourself. I would avoid those 4 people if they were unhappy, vindictive or selfish. Personal accountability is a big party of who you are.
You cannot expect to be better if you aren’t willing to do better. Sacrifice comfort for the betterment of yourself.
Remove those that are distractions to your goals from your life. Sometimes a person isn’t at the point in their life where you two should be crossing paths. If it were meant to be in your life, it will eventually happen. To end this entry, I’ll back my point up with finish the previous quote from that doctor:
“Since the last time you heard me, I lost some friends, well, heh, me and Snoop we’re dipping again.”
The Doc reconnected with an old friend when they were compatible with each other. But to address Drakes stance on “No new friends” I’ll finish the quote.
“Since the last time you heard me, I lost some friends, well, heh, me and Snoop we’re dipping again, Kept my ears to the street, signed Eminem, he’s triple platinum doing 50 a week”
Dr. Dre kept opened to the idea of having new people in his circle. Dr Dre was Dr. Eminem’s ‘Person #1’. It takes a giving society to become a better society. As you rely on your ‘Person #1’, you may be someone else’s ‘Person #1’ so make sure you continue the cycle.